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Apr 1, 2005 20:11:53 GMT -5
Post by hurltomato on Apr 1, 2005 20:11:53 GMT -5
A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?" "Honey, you're not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are very personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" "That's enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother let her little girl off at her friend's house and they began to play. "My mom won't tell me anything about herself." The little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the freind, "all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It is like a report card and has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are- you're 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out? "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and Daddy got a divorce..." "Oh really?" the mother comments. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex!"
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Apr 1, 2005 20:49:38 GMT -5
Post by Remi on Apr 1, 2005 20:49:38 GMT -5
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Cinnamon
Future Man's Caddy
Ain't he just the CUTEST thang?
Posts: 23
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Apr 2, 2005 3:07:05 GMT -5
Post by Cinnamon on Apr 2, 2005 3:07:05 GMT -5
Here is a short but sweet joke.
Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One muffin said to the other one, "Man its hot in here," the other muffin said," Ahhh its a talking muffin!!!!"
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Apr 2, 2005 4:46:07 GMT -5
Post by ~Dani~ on Apr 2, 2005 4:46:07 GMT -5
They are all funny.
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Apr 2, 2005 17:21:22 GMT -5
Post by Pancake on Apr 2, 2005 17:21:22 GMT -5
This isnt a joke but its very interesting...
A History Lesson... >> >> >> Have a history teacher explain this if they can? > >> >Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. >> >John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. >> > >> >Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. >> >John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. >> > >> >Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. >> >Both wives lost a child while living in the White House. >> > >> >Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. >> >Both Presidents were shot in the head. >> > >> >Now it gets really weird. >> > >> >Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. >> >Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln. >> > >> >Both were assassinated by Southerners. >> >Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. >> > >> >Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. >> >Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. >> > >> >John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. >> >Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. >> > >> >Both assassins were known by their three names. >> >Both names are composed of fifteen letters. >> > >> > >> Now hang on to your seat. >> >Lincoln was shot at the theater named "Ford." >> >Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln" made by "Ford." >> > >> >Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. >> > >> ! >And here's the "kicker": >> > >> > >> A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. >> >A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe. >> > >> > >> AND..................... >> >> >Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin ran to a >> >warehouse..... >> >Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theater... >> > >> >Creepy, huh? Send this to as many people as you can, because: >> >Hey, this is one history lesson people don't mind reading..., >>
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Apr 4, 2005 13:21:00 GMT -5
Post by fergie on Apr 4, 2005 13:21:00 GMT -5
Brilliant jokes ladies and I enjoyed the American history lesson too! This tickled my funny bone. A lesson in Posting
How many group posters does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames ...
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...
another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"
109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped
111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
44 to ask what is a "FAQ"
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....
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Apr 4, 2005 13:45:58 GMT -5
Post by Nana on Apr 4, 2005 13:45:58 GMT -5
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Apr 4, 2005 17:48:35 GMT -5
Post by Pancake on Apr 4, 2005 17:48:35 GMT -5
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Apr 4, 2005 17:53:26 GMT -5
Post by ~Dani~ on Apr 4, 2005 17:53:26 GMT -5
Oh wow, Pancake, this smilies are cool. Where did you find this cool ones?
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Apr 4, 2005 18:15:30 GMT -5
Post by WilsonFreak on Apr 4, 2005 18:15:30 GMT -5
Ha!! Ha!! Ha!!!!!!!!! Oh, Fergie, that one had me laughing out loud!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the greatest thread!!!!!!! I keep trying to think of a joke to put up...............I will soon!!!!!!!!
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Apr 4, 2005 18:24:58 GMT -5
Post by Remi on Apr 4, 2005 18:24:58 GMT -5
Fergie... I don't know any sites like that....
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Apr 4, 2005 19:46:34 GMT -5
Post by Pancake on Apr 4, 2005 19:46:34 GMT -5
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Apr 5, 2005 4:26:16 GMT -5
Post by ~Dani~ on Apr 5, 2005 4:26:16 GMT -5
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Apr 9, 2005 9:13:46 GMT -5
Post by ~Dani~ on Apr 9, 2005 9:13:46 GMT -5
(Sorry to blond members here......I'm blond too.....and I like blonde jokes. ;D)Here are some blonde jokesA police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”--------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?” The agent replies, “Just a minute….” “Thank you”, the blonde says, and hangs up.--------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde walks into a doctor's office. She gets in the room with the doctor and says, "Doc, I hurt all over." The doctor is really confused. He says, "What do you mean, you hurt all over?" The blonde says, "I'll show you."
She then touches herself on her leg. "OW!!! I hurt there." Then she touches her earlobe. "OW!!!!!! I hurt there too!" Then she touches her hair. "OW!!!!! EVEN MY HAIR HURTS!" So the doctor sits back and thinks on it for 5 min. Then he says, "Tell me, is blonde your natural hair color?" The blonde says "Yes, why?"
The doctor says, "Well, you got a broken finger..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."--------------------------------------------------------------------- There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head that was going on vacation to a native island. The brunette brought a portable fridge with her. The red-head asked her "Why are you carrying a fridge with you?" The brunette replies "To keep all of our food in." The red-head is carrying a shotgun with her. The brunette asks "Why do you have that shotgun?" The red-head says "Just in case we run out of food, we can kill something to eat." The blonde is carrying their car door with her. They both ask the blonde "Why are you carrying our car door?" The blonde says "Just in case it gets too hot, I can roll the window down."--------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"--------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out..."! So, maybe you have heard of this jokes, but I thought I should post them. ;D
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Apr 12, 2005 12:31:52 GMT -5
Post by WilsonFreak on Apr 12, 2005 12:31:52 GMT -5
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