[Nana]

[fergie]

Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they have requested an
audience and as they are THE Seven Dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.

Dopey leads the pack.
"Dopey, my son," says the Pope, what can I do for you? "

Dopey asks, " Excuse me, Your Holiness, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment,
and answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers
"Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry
glare.

Dopey turns back and says," Your extreme holiness! Are there ANY
dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"

After consulting with his advisors, the Pope responds,
" I'm sorry my son, there're no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

The other dwarfs collapse in a heap, rolling, laughing and pounding the
floor, tears streaming down their cheeks as they begin chanting.....
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"Dopey sh*gg*d a penguin! Dopey sh*gg*d a penguin!

[letters2dorian]

LOL!!

[Natalie]

The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with the guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk responds, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts,"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"

The clerk calmly responds, "Of course you can. Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

[Remi]

OH Natalie!! That's a good one!!

[fergie]

Who says guys aren't sensitive...?

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling,

"Well, how was it?"



The guy says..
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scroll down - it's a beauty!!)
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Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf!!!!"

[Remi]

OH MAN!!

[fergie]

A young girl on a years training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her boyfriend back home.

It read as follows:

Dear Mary,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.

Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love

John

Mary, with hurt feelings, asked her colleagues for any snapshots they could spare of their boyfriends, brothers, ex-boyfriends, uncles, cousins etc.

In addition to the picture of John, Mary included all the other pictures of the pretty lads she had collected from her buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:

Dear John

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the flip you are...Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care

Mary

[Pancake]

You guys have some doozies

[WilsonFreak]

Ah, Fergie, you're the best!

[fergie]

It seems to have been joke week in my hotmail inbox this week, here's another offering.


some home truths...............

This is for all you girls 30 years and over.... and for those who are turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their30's...
AND for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!!

...This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes.
Andy Rooney says:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here arejust a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,
"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it.
She does something she wants to do. And, it's
usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.
Few women past the age of 30 give
a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.

Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you (boyfriend/partner) to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.
Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because sheknows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age.
You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off ifyou are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have towonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk
for free".

Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against
marriage, why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire
Pig, just to get a little sausage

disclaimer: Thinking back to being pre 30's, I don't agree with every statement this guy makes.

[Librarian]

All of those are great jokes -- and I enjoyed the Andy Rooney piece.

I agree with your disclaimer, Fergie.

[Pancake]

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years
>old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your
>Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't
>help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that
>said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she
>moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce
>the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a
>deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I
>could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved the
>fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could
>have prevented this Accident".. I just lost it."
>
>"CASE DISMISSED

[Pancake]

I'm so stupid!! I forgot to copy and paste the fiurst part of the joke. now i cant find it!! AAHHHH i make myself so mad sometimes

[Pancake]

ok here we go,,,


ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
>
>
>A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
>opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another
>seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
>The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst
>out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man
> arrested.
>
>The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years
>old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your
>Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't
>help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that
>said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she
>moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce
>the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a
>deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I
>could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved the
>fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could
>have prevented this Accident".. I just lost it."
>
>"CASE DISMISSED
>