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Oct 6, 2006 22:34:15 GMT -5
Post by Pancake on Oct 6, 2006 22:34:15 GMT -5
HT you never cease to amaze me...I agree with Remi...absolutely brilliant!!!
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Oct 7, 2006 4:37:19 GMT -5
Post by furg on Oct 7, 2006 4:37:19 GMT -5
HT, I was reading your joke on my phone in Central Station and had one of those laughing out loud non-British moments among the hundreds of dreary uptight commuters queuing for the Carlisle train... My first gut/stress busting laugh on a truly exceptionally awful day! Thanks.
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Oct 7, 2006 12:32:30 GMT -5
Post by britgirl on Oct 7, 2006 12:32:30 GMT -5
Aww sorry to hear you had an awful day Furg! Thanks for the jokes Pancake and HT. I don't know where you get them from, or who tells them to you, but they're great!
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Oct 15, 2006 17:23:45 GMT -5
Post by Pancake on Oct 15, 2006 17:23:45 GMT -5
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a plain pink envelope containing $1000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated. "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church." The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" The old lady said, "$10,000 a week." The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?" "He is a veterinarian," she answered. "That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?" The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
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Oct 20, 2006 15:57:45 GMT -5
Post by Pancake on Oct 20, 2006 15:57:45 GMT -5
NOW THIS IS GREAT!!!
>You gotta love this guy... >This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University . It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. > > >It was a large wedding with about 300 guests... > > >At the reception after the wedding, the groom got up on stage with a >microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone >for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
>He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank >his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. > > >As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone >a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's >chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was >his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. > >Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex >with the best man ! > > >The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a >private detective to tail them. > > >After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a >couple of minutes, he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm >outta here." > > > He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. >While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after >finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, >as if nothing were wrong. > >His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 >guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and >best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. >This guy has balls the size of church bells ! > >Do you think we might get a Master Card "priceless" Commercial out of >this: > > > Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends.........$32,000. > >Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion.....$3,000. > >Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui ....$8,500. > >The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride >and the best man having sex... PRICELESS. > >There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's >MASTERCARD
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Oct 21, 2006 10:12:01 GMT -5
Post by furg on Oct 21, 2006 10:12:01 GMT -5
Priceless indeed Pancake and they got their just desserts too! ;D
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Oct 21, 2006 11:51:14 GMT -5
Post by texasgal on Oct 21, 2006 11:51:14 GMT -5
Yeah, but I keep thinking of the poor innocent parents of the bride who had nothing to do with their daughter's infidelity. With cost of church, dresses, flowers, and all kinds of odds and ends, they probably paid closer to $40,000 than the $35,000.
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Oct 21, 2006 16:42:17 GMT -5
Post by Pancake on Oct 21, 2006 16:42:17 GMT -5
yea its hard not to feel bad for the parents...they always take the brunt for their kids....but it is the brides fault...HUSSY!!
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armywife
Ned Coleman's Partner
Posts: 162
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Oct 22, 2006 10:07:30 GMT -5
Post by armywife on Oct 22, 2006 10:07:30 GMT -5
It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and walked up to the bar. "What will you have?" the bartender asked. "I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied. "I'll have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second. "I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third. "OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"
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armywife
Ned Coleman's Partner
Posts: 162
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Oct 22, 2006 10:22:34 GMT -5
Post by armywife on Oct 22, 2006 10:22:34 GMT -5
Top Ten Reasons Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex.
10. You're guaranteed to get a little something in the sack. 9. The uglier you are, the easier it is to get some. 8. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning & groaning. 7. Less guilt the morning after. 6. It doesn't matter if they fantasize you're somebody else, because you are. 5. Forty years from now, you'll still enjoy candy. 4. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door. 3. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go again. 2. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some. 1. You can do the whole neighborhood!
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Oct 26, 2006 22:28:06 GMT -5
Post by Pancake on Oct 26, 2006 22:28:06 GMT -5
A guy & a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?" "Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist." The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, how did you figure that out?" "Didn't feel a thing!"
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AnaMaria
Ned Coleman's Partner
WHERE'S THAT FIREPLACE, O?
Posts: 162
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Oct 27, 2006 9:14:40 GMT -5
Post by AnaMaria on Oct 27, 2006 9:14:40 GMT -5
Wooow...Pancake & armywife!!! Greaaaaaaat ones!!!! #devilchili#
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Nov 22, 2006 14:03:29 GMT -5
Post by hutchshottie on Nov 22, 2006 14:03:29 GMT -5
A beginners guide to how to cook turkey
Step 1: Go buy a turkey Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD Step 3: Put turkey in the oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink Step 7: Turn oven the on Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky Step 9: Turk the bastey Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick Step 17: Turk the carvey Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
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Nov 23, 2006 9:36:27 GMT -5
Post by Remi on Nov 23, 2006 9:36:27 GMT -5
#cheers# Good one, Hottie!
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AnaMaria
Ned Coleman's Partner
WHERE'S THAT FIREPLACE, O?
Posts: 162
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Nov 23, 2006 10:28:49 GMT -5
Post by AnaMaria on Nov 23, 2006 10:28:49 GMT -5
Great, Hottie! #biglol#
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