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Post by texasgal on Sept 15, 2005 20:56:18 GMT -5
WF, I'm very happy for your good news.  |
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Post by WilsonFreak on Sept 15, 2005 22:53:07 GMT -5
Thanks so much for helping!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't know how much I appreciate it!! Oh, wait, you do...................because we have all been where I was, needing help desperately!! Thanks, Dear Friends!!!!!
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Post by WilsonFreak on Sept 29, 2005 22:54:17 GMT -5
Hey All!
Thought I should put on an update about the 'Crush'. It's over. It's been a long,painful fight, and I still love Mike as a friend, but the Crush is over. For the most part. I still love to talk about him and know everything (good) he says. I'm not sure that's a good thing, because it's over because it hurt too much. At first it was lovely and I was floating and I Understood all the Love songs! I knew what they meant.
But then Mike seems to have changed through the summer.........his eyes used to always be vibrant, and alive, they were the color of the Caribbean sea in the wind........Beautiful. And he was interested in Everything, and would talk about everything. Then, it got so that sometimes his azure eyes were dull and tired, he wasn't interested in anything, his comments were dark and he was tired. I never knew if he would be MIKE or the other Mike. And it HURT. It hurt not to talk to him and have him be The One, the Crush. And I finally realized, with alot of help from my brother, that Mike can be a selfish jerk. Paainnful. Sure, he can still be the sweetest thing, but he has just changed since I first met him. I don't really know why. Maybe he was just being extra special for me because he just met me. I feel very bad for him. His Dad is very sick, maybe dying. And that leaves him Mom feeling very stressed and scared. And his sister's husband left her and she's feeling the money bugbite. But he's got so much going for him, it's so sad that he lets himself be depressed. And he's still going out with the girlfriend who he says is annoying and that he would like to break up with. When he has been with her I pretty much know that his eyes will be dull. He never says he has a good time with her. I think she doesn't have any self esteem at all. 'Course, SHE'S Got a Man..........and I don't. *I* have my self esteem..........and that doesn't keep you very warm at night.
Anyway, the guy that I thought hung the moon and stars has let me down. On the weekend, he had almost $2000 worth of stereo stuff and CD's stolen from his truck. And at the same lunch hour that he found that out, my dog tore out of the gate as he was leaving and he had to chase her around for 10 minutes. Baaad timing. So he told me about the robbery, and then he said that he had to chase the dog, and he wasn't very happy. And he said 'Next time I"m just leaving her out.' He wouldn't, I know, but it was a very mean thing to say nonetheless. Of course, I felt terrible. He left, then returned, and I called downstairs to him, to let him know that he must have been robbed on the Saturday night, because on the Sunday night, I had gone for a late walk with the dog and stupidly left my car keys laying on the carseat, with doors unlocked. So, I said, if he got robbed Sunday night, I probably would have lost my whole car. So I wanted to let him know that, in case it might help in some way. For the police or whatever. And he said, 'I just left $2000 worth of stereo stuff in my truck for 12 hrs and it was stolen.' and I said, well, you left it in there Saturday'..............this was on Monday we were talking...........and he looked at me with those dull eyes and a Who the F*ck cares look and said flaty "I know." and then he said 'I can't talk to you right now. I better go back in the recroom.' and he walked away. ...............
And that's the last I've seen of him all week. At that time, I had gotten myself out of the crush, so I was just.........insulted, sad, that he acted that way toward me. And I understood, too, that he was feeling pretty devastated over being robbed, and that it was just bad timing on my part to try to help. I only meant well. Hopefully he realizes that. I don't imagine t hat he even has any idea that he was rude to me. I think he was just thinking only of himself and has no idea. So, that is why I"m at such a low point in my feelings about Mike...........because that episode is where our relationship was left at for right now. I haven't seen him all week, not to smile or say hi or share news or anything. He hasn't even had to see me to pay rent, because there's none due right now. It doesn't help that I haven't been up to have lunch with my brother at their work, because my shift has changed. I used to see him around their work all the time. Even David hasn't seem him at all this week. Well, yesterday, I asked David to water my dog at lunch, because I couldn't make it home, but he didn't have my house key, so he asked Mike to water the dog.
I was very relieved that I had ended my crush by the time this happened. If it had happened while I was still in love, I know I would have been crushed and cried.
So, there ends the beautiful crush. It was a wonderful way to spend the summer though. We had some really lovely barbeques, and some lovely talks while we worked int he kitchen together, fun times where we laughed and ate and had a great time. I'm very bitter that those bbq's ended also...............he seemed to Really enjoy them..........and then they just stopped. 2 or 3 times it was my fault......I had a friend in from town. But I also didn't want to be just waiting around to see if Mike would be here to bbq, so I would try to make plans. One night, he said at lunch that we would bbq that night, but then the gf showed up and that was that. He told me that he didn't know she would be here, that she wasn't supposed to be. I imagine we'll bbq again, but for right now that's another sore spot for me...............that the bbq's just stopped.
So, it was Fun, but now it's Done. I'll let you know what happens next! But at least I know how a man can make me feel.............and I'll keep trying to find a "Mike" of my own!  Looking forward to any advice, thoughts, or comfort that you all feel like giving!!/color]
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Post by Mrs.Sylfian on Sept 30, 2005 7:35:36 GMT -5
Dear Wilson Freak
i am happy your crush is over,it didn`t do u good.Now you can move on and find yourself somebody better than Mike....you such a nice and smart girl..i bet there is great guy waiting for you
so open your eyes wide!
i keep my fingers crossed for u ,but now i am haapy that you are happy!
kisses
sylcia
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Post by WilsonFreak on Sept 30, 2005 8:36:18 GMT -5
Thanks Sylcia! It was a fun crush for the first couple months. I am sad it's over, but I know it is good. Thank goodness my brother was there to help me. I hope to hear from some others..........still needing help and good advice here!
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Post by IMAQT on Sept 30, 2005 15:17:32 GMT -5
What kind of advice or help do you want, WF? I can think of a few things, but you probably won't like to hear what I have to say. So what is it that you feel you need? Cheering up? Saying you're OK?
Crushes usually are fun to begin with, then you get crushed. The reason you have a 'crush' on someone is because you don't really know them. If you really knew them, then you'd be in love with them no matter how they behaved. But usually crushes end when you find out something you don't like or approve of in that person. It's a double-edged sword. You want to know all about a person, but then when you do, you're somewhat disappointed.
I hope you get over this faster than you think you will. I'm sorry he didn't turn out to be Prince you wanted him to be. But there will be another. There always is.
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Post by texasgal on Sept 30, 2005 16:58:14 GMT -5
WF, I have nothing to add to what Sylcia and IMAQT have written. They already nailed it. But just because I tend to be "mouthy," I have to add something.
You are a very sweet and smart woman. I can tell by your writing that you are a caring, impassioned person. And you are smart enough to recognize a crush for what it is - fantasy. And you knew that very early which means you're self-aware. Crushes are infatuations which have caught fire. And they lead us nowhere but to get burned.
I have no idea why there has to be crushes and infatuations. I think sometimes they are nature's way of making us miserable. Seriously, I think they might serve a twofold purpose: (a) they might be nature's way of toughening us, making us more resilient to life's hurts and disappointments, and (b) they teach us to be more analytical about whom we attach ourselves to, that we can't judge a book by its attractive cover.
It is we ourselves who hurt us in a crush, not the object of our affection. We are hurt by own unrealistic expectations. Which, of course, doesn't mean the hurt is any less. We just have to accept the source of the hurt - which is us.
I have a hunch that you knew all this all along instinctively. I think it's something we all know at the "gut" level. If only we could keep our chemistry under control.
I wish you much happiness in the future, WF. Remember those old sayings: "this too shall pass," and "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger."
Big hugs!
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Post by WilsonFreak on Sept 30, 2005 22:12:56 GMT -5
 QT, Tex, thanks!! I love getting help from you all, and I always appreciate whatever you have to say. No, QT, you don't need to sugarcoat anything for me.............I just appreciate everyone's input. quote...If you really knew them, then you'd be in love with them no matter how they behaved....quote ...............Please don't say that, QT. I am SO that way.......loving someone no matter what. I need to fight this. The crush is over, but the tender feelings are still there. I just need to pkg them into 'friend' feelings. It's so hard that I haven't seen Mike all week after the last time with him being so down and unfeeling. I am fighting this with everything I have, and doing pretty good. I know I'll be okay if I can find someone else to be attracted to. There are some really little cutie patooties at work, but they're all so darn young!! I need to find someone in my own age group!! (Anyone got any relatives living in Sarnia, Ontario?! ) Thanks again! I so, so appreciate it when you all help me out. Again, (as previously threatened) I'll let you know what happens next! All in all, I'm just happy and relieved that Mike and Rob are my boarders.............it is so hard, so hard, trying to keep ahead financially after being off and at 66% of income for a year..............Mike would like to stay for 2 years.........I just hope that might work out somehow! It would sure be wonderful help for me! Bye, Love you All! Lisa
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Post by IMAQT on Sept 30, 2005 23:07:06 GMT -5
...............Please don't say that, QT. I am SO that way.......loving someone no matter what. I need to fight this. The crush is over, but the tender feelings are still there. I just need to pkg them into 'friend' feelings. OK. I think you misunderstood how I meant that. Yes, you do need to fight this. I wasn't saying that you need to love him no matter what. I meant that you don't really know him, therefore you're hurt by how he is acting now. And I know you don't want to lose him (them) as boarders, but the best thing would be is for them to leave. You're sad because you haven't seen him all week. You shouldn't even be looking for him. Thinking about him. You should find him to collect rent and that's it. Get over it. There's nothing you can do. You need to get on with your life and stop thinking about him because I can promise that he's not worrying about not seeing you this past week. |
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Post by texasgal on Sept 30, 2005 23:26:58 GMT -5
WF, I agree with IMAQT.
In addition, you'd be best served if you curbed your enthusiasm for acquiring obsessions. You wrote:
"I know I'll be okay if I can find someone else to be attracted to."
WRONG! You will NOT be okay. You'll only be okay if you find the right person to be attracted to. And that is, someone who is mutually attracted to you!
But before you do that, you'd be smart to stay away from men entirely until after you've filed this current one under Ancient History.
OK, I've stepped way over the line here on advice. Agreed. I just couldn't help myself. I just rather you not hurt yourself again.
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Post by texasgal on Oct 1, 2005 8:45:12 GMT -5
Double posting...
WF, I think I was little severe in the way I urged you to not look for your next attraction. What I meant to say in a nutshell:
Be kind to yourself. Don't jump from the frying pan into the fire.
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Post by WilsonFreak on Oct 1, 2005 9:59:00 GMT -5
Thanks again guys!!!! Neither of you have stepped over the line at all............I welcome your help!!
Remi, Bunny, Natalie, JR, Pancake.............Anyone..................I am accepting all comments and help! You're helping me, I DO appreciate it!! I'm going to be trying to block Mike completely from my mind and get on with life. It is the only thing to do.
I'll keep you posted!!
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Post by Remi on Oct 1, 2005 10:54:01 GMT -5
Take it from someone who's had ALOT of crushes... you're doing just fine WF. You realized from the very beginning it was a crush, which is more than I can say for alot of men and women. Crushes are fun while they last and bittersweet when they are over. Just enjoy the ride. |
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Post by texasgal on Oct 1, 2005 13:51:08 GMT -5
WF, I've found that the best way to cure something - whether it's grief, a failed romance, loneliness, boredom, a disappointment or tragedy - is to find someone or some thing that needs help more than you do, and help them.
Find something that needs to be done - and do it.
Plunge yourself into a charity that speaks to your heart. It doesn't have to be something big. You could go out and pick up trash in your neighborhood or park. Do walk/runs for Susan G. Komen and other health-related events. Get friends together to help you with a project, or enlist them to start your own charity. You could call yourselves the Good Deed Girls or something. Start a reading club among your friends, or visit people in hospitals who have nobody to visit them and read to them.
If you have a religious affiliation, you could start with them. I'm sure they will have suggestions.
The possibilities are endless. You are such a passionate person, I know you'll find something.
This is what I've done with myself as therapy. And it always works.
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Post by Mrs.Sylfian on Oct 3, 2005 4:53:18 GMT -5
p.s Texasgal i love when your "mouthy"....then all the smart things are being posted here!
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