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Post by IMAQT on Sept 4, 2005 1:02:37 GMT -5
OK. You need to remember that he's not yours. He has a girlfriend. I'm not being rude, I'm just reiterating something you already know.
Now, you have to think of yourself as his 'friend'. How would you talk to him as a friend? How would you tell your friend that you were hurt/disappointed that they didn't invite you to their BBQ? There's nothing wrong with telling him how you feel. You tell friends how you feel all the time. That's how you have to treat him. He's nothing more. Nothing less. He's just a friend.
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Post by Remi on Sept 4, 2005 7:13:43 GMT -5
WF ~ If I were you, I wouldn't say anything more to him about the BBQ, unless (maybe)he brings it up. You already let him know that you were hurt when you teased him about it. Men (and women) in general, don't like to feel guilty and I'm scared he will avoid you if you let him know exactly how you feel about it... even if you are just friends. Plus, you'll be wondering next time if he invited you because he felt he HAD to. A little guilt is good (which you've already done), but making more of it might make things worse.
I know it's hard to go against how you really feel about it. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out for you!
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Post by WilsonFreak on Sept 4, 2005 8:53:10 GMT -5
 Thank You so much for thinking of me and helping me!! Yeah, I've SO decided to not say anything. He didn't do anything wrong, I'm just an overly sensetive person, who happens to still be struggling with a big crush on this nice guy, and I just got overwhelmed that there were FOUR people in MY house ALL having bbq and they didnt invite me. But, Mike and his gf took off right after they ate their salmon, and that would have left me with just the 18 year olds, and all they want to do is play video games and drink some beer in the basement. So, it was just me. And, you know, I believe I played it Perfectly last night. I teased him just a little bit about not having salmon for me, then I told him something funny and just said that it was really a bummer that we couldn't bbq on Monday, and then I moved on to telling him about how I was going to fix my back door on the house. Kept it realllly light and didn't bring him down with any guilt or anything. I do KNOW that he knew I went inside sooner than I usually would have......I could see in his eyes that he was like, Whoa, why is Lisa going in so quick? So........that's good. I know he got the message, but he got it because he's smart, not because I acted bitter or sad. So, I'm pretty darn happy with the way I handled him. And it's too bad that I ended up crying, but it's been coming. One of my dearest friends just had a lump removed from her breast, and will be having radiation treatments, and is waiting for test results to see if she has cancer anywhere else...........and I haven't been able to cry about it, and this was like the catalyst................the snowball that caused an avalanche. The hurt I felt at not being in the center of Mike's life loosened up everything I guess and I had a crying jag, which I must have needed. But I still have a headache from it today................I'm luckily not prone to things like that! Sorry to go on so!! And thanks, thanks, thanks for being there for me!! I will definitely keep you posted of any developments! Knowing Mike, there's a small chance he may bring it up, saying he hoped I wasn't mad or disappointed or something like that...............he's pretty considerate..............moosstttlllyyyy................then I will play it very smart again................keep it light!! After all, I want him to enjoy the friendship....it's not his fault that I got a crush!! Thanks girls!!! You helped me so much!!!!! If it were't for you guys, I KNOW I would have made a giant mistake!! 
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Post by WilsonFreak on Sept 5, 2005 11:37:16 GMT -5
Remi, QT, I never saw that you guys had replied to me until just now!! I'm so glad to hear from you both!! I'm absolutely NOT going to say anything about the bbq. Upon reflection, I know that it was just a quick supper for them all and that it just would not work to invite me when the gf was there, even though our relationship is totally innocent.......except for in my deepest heart. I was just feeling lonely and it just hit me hard. Unfortunately, Mike has been away all weekend, so I haven't had a chance to see him at all. So, no updates. I'm definitely not saying anything. I want him to see me as I almost always am.....light and breezey and fun. Don't want him to know that I feel needy sometimes and that I would let him jump my bones in a second if he offered!!!  Whew!! I sure am glad I have you guys here to help me!! It would have been a big mistake to tell Mike. QT, if it were one of my female friends, I'm sure I would just say, Thanks a lot for forgetting me! Nice to know I'm loved! I would let them know I was hurt,because I'm pretty open emotionally........But it's just different with Mike. It's just sad, because when I first met him, he was alive an always talking and telling stories, and now he's always tired and quiet. I know his Dad is sick, but he was sick then too..................i think it's partly his gf , he is is so weird with her........says he is going to break up with her and that she is spoiled and that he keeps telling her he didn't want this relationship...........and partly bc he's been finding work stressful, but I think mainly it's in his makeup............he seems prone to moodiness and depression, and that's the main reason why I'm talking myself down from the high rope when it comes to him. Being a Pisces, I'm overly sensetive to people's emotions, and I need to be around people who are 'up'. That doesn't mean I don't want to be there for friends when they are down.. Thanks to everyone for helping! I'll keep you updated. (I can hear QT whispering......that's what I'm afraid of)  j/k QT!!
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Post by texasgal on Sept 5, 2005 22:48:56 GMT -5
I've heard that story so many times... that so and so is thinking/planning/intending/wanting etc. to separate from their bf/gf/spouse... and then they never do. Or it takes them years.
There are so many reasons why people stay in relationships they don't want or say they don't want.
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Post by WilsonFreak on Sept 5, 2005 23:08:41 GMT -5
Yeah, I've seen that many times myself! And lots of times they end up marrying the person they always said they weren't happy with! Strange...........
Tex, any more news about the security guard at your synagogue??
I'm also wondering about Sylcia, if she is still getting butterflies in her tummy about the guy she mentioned.....
I'm doing waaay better now!! Feeling much better! It really helped to have you all to talk to!! (where did all the hug emoticons go???)
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Post by texasgal on Sept 5, 2005 23:22:51 GMT -5
WF, I'm very glad you're feeling better now. I hurt myself too from "great expectations" for things that don't go the way I want. It can take several days to bounce back to my baseline, as it were. I haven't seen that particular security guard all summer. Thank you for asking. There are several policemen who serve in that capacity, and Dan (I think that's his name) just hasn't been there at the same time I've been. There will be lots of policemen present during the High Holy Days (October) when security heightens, so I might see him then. But I'll stick to my usual "Hello," "Good evening," or whatever appropriate greeting. Men are the hunters, and it's always best to keep them guessing. If they don't "hunt" you, there's a good reason. To quote Sex In The City, "he's just not into you." ;D. Or  is sometimes more appropriate. Oops - what's this about Sylcia? I missed that. I'll have to do some hunting of my own here. |
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Post by Mrs.Sylfian on Sept 6, 2005 3:48:35 GMT -5
HI Girls.....
WF i am happy "you keep it light"but i bet inside you struggeling.....be strong girl,i know how it feels....
You know ,the guy i have crash on....he wasn`t my type but once we talked and i saw his amazing personality i fell for him...he is older than me 14 years,he is a dutch celebrity,married and has a daughter.....and i always secretly hoped that he would leave his wife for me,he always said how much he likes me,and everytime he comes to Amsterdam he calls me and asks me to go have drink with him....i also work for him so i get to see him a lot.
But then one day i met his wife and daughter and i saw how happy he is,how madly in love he is with his wife....it made me feel sick to my stomach that i ever thought of breaking that .....i still see him,still adore him,but now i wish him all the best.
NOw i keep it clean,no dirrty thoughts....but the butterflies in my stomach never left...They are still there reminding me how wonderful he is.
good luck WF,glad you`re doing better
kisses Sylcia
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Post by WilsonFreak on Sept 8, 2005 8:43:48 GMT -5
Hey Everyone! Still doing ok!! Telling myself "mike is just a friend" "mike is just a friend" "mike is just a friend". I'll make myself believe it!!!!!!!!! Saw him for a few mins the last few days..... no mention of bbq.......so, it'll never come up. Now, his gf is in town, going to college, so that's probably going to make ANY plans of bbq or w hatever Realllly hard. Nasty situation, that. Gf IN town............. I KNOW that's why I was crying, partly, on Saturday, because my heart knew in advance that this is going to make things even harder. I say he should get rid of the gf! He says he's going to break up with her, says there's no F*&king way she will ever live here with him............says she annoys him..............yesterday when we were talking about all that, I just said 'you're funny' in a straight voice. He nodded and said "yeah, kind of weird.' He is weird!! But I still love him as a friend. Hopefully we'll still get to bbq sometimes.............he also said we would get a movie sometime.....................................riiiiiight........well, hopefully! Forgot to tell you all, so you can partly understand...........Mike loves Owen Wilson!!!!!!!!!  Thanks again for listening!!!
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Post by bunnypanda on Sept 8, 2005 8:55:07 GMT -5
I think, WF, if he tells those things about his girlfriend to you, he probably thinks of you as a good friend and trusts you, which is a great thing, even though at the same time it means he doesn't see you as anything but a friend.
I'm proud of you for being a good friend to him, WF.
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Post by WilsonFreak on Sept 15, 2005 9:14:05 GMT -5
Friends, I need your positive vibes and support so much!! Mike's sister has been begging him to move in with her, to help out with the bills, and he told me on Monday that he has to decide what to do. He said that he told his sister, when she told him she needs help, that he said, "Yeah, but I'm helping Lisa out." When he told me, I said, Well, at least it's my day off, so I can go into my room and cry my f*ck&ng little eyes out. He said, Aw, don't say that. He knows it's horrible for me, knows I'm onlyjust beginning to get my feet on the ground after onlybeing back at work for 4 mths. And it's awful for him too, because he wants to help everybody.
Oh, God, I'm hurting so much!! I feel like I can't breathe this week. Mostly because I REALLY need the board money, and I can't stand the thought of having no boarder income for who knows how many weeks or months while I try and try to find someone who knows someone they trust who wants to board. Or maybe a college student.......who knows if someone will pay their board money?? I've just been through that with my last 2 jerk boarders who left owing me $680.
And, also, I love Mike and Rob so much, and I've only had them for 3 mths, my heart is breaking at the thought that I might lose them already. Mike doesnt want to leave, he's 3 min walk from work and they've just bought a new fridge and getting their apartment here fixed up just the way they like it, and he says it's so nice for them to have such a great landlady, and Rob doesnt want to move either, knows he can't afford the gas, because Mike's sister lives half hour or so away, and Rob does NOT want to be trapped out in the country again, so ...................... So, my brother has already talked to Mike, told him how horribly expensive gas would be, how he will have to do all that winter driving and spend so much extra time just commuting....................
Oh, Lord, my hurt feelings over the bbq last week seem like nothing now.................. I'm just so panicky and scared that I could lose them, lose my dear friends, and lose my extra, trustworthy income.......
I'm sorry to come here and tell you all this, but I really need all the PRAYERS I CAN GET!!!! Please, everyone, pray for me, send positive love...............
I promise you all will know anything as soon as I do. My heart is just sick.............I finally got boarders I trust and now................but all I can do for right now is keep up hope, and deal with whatever comes.
It just hasn't been a very good 2 weeks...........I'm not a crier, but I've cried almost as much this last 2 wks as I did when my Mom died! I just want a little security, is all, just more time to build up some savings and to have my friends here with me.
By the way, the crush on Mike..............it is SO backburner right now...................I'm only thinking of him as a dear friend...........the crush was So Much Fun (except for that one bbq night) and now I'm just too much in pain to think about fun like that.
So, if they stay, then this will have been a good thing, will have gotten my perspective back for me. Crushes are fun, but I guess shouldn't go on too long!
Thanks guys! I love you all!
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Post by Jennifer Richards on Sept 15, 2005 12:06:12 GMT -5
Oh Wilsonfreak, you do sound as if you are in tight situation. I wish there was something I could do to help you babes. I hope you get sorted out soon hunny, and my thoughts are with you.
xx
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Post by WilsonFreak on Sept 15, 2005 13:13:11 GMT -5
  They aren't moving out!! ;D You all must have read this and prayed for me, because Mike just told me at lunch today that they aren't moving out. Thanks!! I am so relieved! I can breathe again! Love to you All! Lisa ;D
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Post by Jennifer Richards on Sept 15, 2005 13:21:23 GMT -5
They aren't moving out!! ;D You all must have read this and prayed for me, because Mike just told me at lunch today that they aren't moving out. Thanks!! I am so relieved! I can breathe again! Love to you All! Lisa ;D Lisa I'm SO SO SO pleased for you!  the power of the mind is a great thing! |
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Post by Remi on Sept 15, 2005 14:56:44 GMT -5
Yay!! That's great news WF!! |
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