Post by bubbles4play on Feb 3, 2005 11:09:18 GMT -5
I just wanted to get some input on the novel I am writing. Does it look like something you would continue reading...does it sound horrible...should I just give up?
Here are a couple of excerpts from it.
BTW, this is ONLY a first draft.
It's called "State of Mind"
From chapter 1:
At 23, Madie was taking some classes at Valley
Community College. Victor was giving a lecture titled “How to make your money work for you” in the auditorium. Madie had some time to squander before her next class. She heard Victor’s resplendent, commanding voice and ducked inside to listen. She was completely taken with him. Victor, standing about 6 ft tall was so dashing, like a gentleman out of a 40’s movie. His suit was very crisp, yet not stuffy, and his sateen black hair almost looked midnight blue at a glance. His deep brown eyes were so mesmerizing, she couldn’t look away. Victor’s well-groomed mustache barely extended the full length of his soft lips, and, with his pale skin, he almost had a feminine quality. He was indeed a handsome man. Amidst her swooning, she hadn’t noticed the time, and, before she knew it, the lecture was over. As the flock of motivated money seekers swam past her, she realized she was late for class. Making an effort to push through the crowd, she was elbowed aside unintentionally and she tripped over a chair.
“Knocked down again” Madie said aloud. “When will I ever get a break?”
At that moment, almost as if fate were reaching out to her, a hand extended down to help her up. It was Victor.
From Chapter 3:
When Victor arrived home later that afternoon, he said nothing of the incident. In fact, the manner in which he conducted himself proved he had brushed it off, like it had never happened. Madie, although outwardly showing no sign of mortification, was still horrified at what took place. She tried to brush it off as he did, but could not forget what he had done. That night, as she slept, the dream came again. This time, her consciousness soared. As she floated through the dark cobblestone streets, people turned away from her. She tried reaching out to them, only to be shunned. Everything stopped, as if it were a movie she was watching, paused. Then, speeding in reverse, everything went by so fast; all she saw was traces of images. Like a bug hitting a windshield, everything just halted. Dark, and void of any substance, she floated in emptiness. Madie struggled to grasp at anything concrete. Then she fell. As she was falling into the abyss, she felt like she was on fire. Madie heard voices of what she thought was an angry mob. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, except for the words kill & die. Falling faster & faster, burning up, she felt as if she might disintegrate before she would hit bottom. As she screamed, she hit bottom, or rather, her reality. Madie sat up in bed and wiped the sweat from her brow.
Here are a couple of excerpts from it.
BTW, this is ONLY a first draft.
It's called "State of Mind"
From chapter 1:
At 23, Madie was taking some classes at Valley
Community College. Victor was giving a lecture titled “How to make your money work for you” in the auditorium. Madie had some time to squander before her next class. She heard Victor’s resplendent, commanding voice and ducked inside to listen. She was completely taken with him. Victor, standing about 6 ft tall was so dashing, like a gentleman out of a 40’s movie. His suit was very crisp, yet not stuffy, and his sateen black hair almost looked midnight blue at a glance. His deep brown eyes were so mesmerizing, she couldn’t look away. Victor’s well-groomed mustache barely extended the full length of his soft lips, and, with his pale skin, he almost had a feminine quality. He was indeed a handsome man. Amidst her swooning, she hadn’t noticed the time, and, before she knew it, the lecture was over. As the flock of motivated money seekers swam past her, she realized she was late for class. Making an effort to push through the crowd, she was elbowed aside unintentionally and she tripped over a chair.
“Knocked down again” Madie said aloud. “When will I ever get a break?”
At that moment, almost as if fate were reaching out to her, a hand extended down to help her up. It was Victor.
From Chapter 3:
When Victor arrived home later that afternoon, he said nothing of the incident. In fact, the manner in which he conducted himself proved he had brushed it off, like it had never happened. Madie, although outwardly showing no sign of mortification, was still horrified at what took place. She tried to brush it off as he did, but could not forget what he had done. That night, as she slept, the dream came again. This time, her consciousness soared. As she floated through the dark cobblestone streets, people turned away from her. She tried reaching out to them, only to be shunned. Everything stopped, as if it were a movie she was watching, paused. Then, speeding in reverse, everything went by so fast; all she saw was traces of images. Like a bug hitting a windshield, everything just halted. Dark, and void of any substance, she floated in emptiness. Madie struggled to grasp at anything concrete. Then she fell. As she was falling into the abyss, she felt like she was on fire. Madie heard voices of what she thought was an angry mob. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, except for the words kill & die. Falling faster & faster, burning up, she felt as if she might disintegrate before she would hit bottom. As she screamed, she hit bottom, or rather, her reality. Madie sat up in bed and wiped the sweat from her brow.