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Jokes
Oct 27, 2008 8:48:57 GMT -5
Post by sld1164 on Oct 27, 2008 8:48:57 GMT -5
I don't know if a thread for silly jokes exists or not, but my sister sent me this one and it's cute. How many blondes does it take to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies? 5. 4 to shell the M&M's and 1 to mix the batter!  |
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Jokes
Oct 27, 2008 8:55:01 GMT -5
Post by sld1164 on Oct 27, 2008 8:55:01 GMT -5
A little piece of string goes into a bar, climbs up onto a bar stool, then up onto the bar and says, "bartender, get me a drink."
The bartender looks at the string and says, "hey, we don't serve drinks to strings here"
The little string makes his way out of the bar. He's sitting on the curb when a man walks by. He asks the man to take both of his ends and twist them around like a pretzel. Then he asks the man to unravel his ends.
Being well disguised, the string goes back into the bar, climbs up a bar stool, up onto the bar and says, "bartender, get me a drink."
The bartender looks him over and says, "Hey, aren't you that string that was here 10 minutes ago? I thought I told you we don't serve strings here."
The string looks up and says, "Sorry, I'm a frayed knot"
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Jokes
Oct 27, 2008 9:44:17 GMT -5
Post by meowencrazy on Oct 27, 2008 9:44:17 GMT -5
a frayed knot! Thanks Sue! Been searchin' for this thread! |
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Jokes
Oct 27, 2008 21:07:19 GMT -5
Post by texasgal on Oct 27, 2008 21:07:19 GMT -5
@ SLD. Yes, there is a Jokes thread here but not a Silly Jokes thread. There is now. Here's another one, even sillier: A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says: Why the long face?
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Jokes
Oct 29, 2008 11:14:36 GMT -5
Post by meowencrazy on Oct 29, 2008 11:14:36 GMT -5
Killing English …… Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? "* Class teacher once said : "pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!" once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.." "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.." dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down..... "shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college" My manager started like this "Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"* "I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board "will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF" Chemistry HOD comes and tells us... "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter" Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father "why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!" Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code.. "I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??* Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class.. "Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"* |
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Jokes
Nov 4, 2008 10:04:31 GMT -5
Post by meowencrazy on Nov 4, 2008 10:04:31 GMT -5
It was opening night at the Orpheum theater and the Amazing Eileen was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff.
As the Amazing Eileen took to the stage, she announced, ''Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.''
The excitement was almost electric as the Amazing Eileen withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from her coat.
''I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations.''
She began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, ''Watch the watch , watch the watch, watch the watch.... ''.
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
''Sh*t'' said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the theatre. ...
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Jokes
Nov 4, 2008 10:11:57 GMT -5
Post by sld1164 on Nov 4, 2008 10:11:57 GMT -5
It was opening night at the Orpheum theater and the Amazing Eileen was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff. As the Amazing Eileen took to the stage, she announced, ''Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'' The excitement was almost electric as the Amazing Eileen withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from her coat. ''I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations.'' She began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, ''Watch the watch , watch the watch, watch the watch.... ''. The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. ''Sh*t'' said the hypnotist. It took three weeks to clean up the theatre. ... |
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Jokes
Nov 11, 2008 21:21:23 GMT -5
Post by texasgal on Nov 11, 2008 21:21:23 GMT -5
Don't know if this actually took place at Penn State - or anywhere - but it's a great story....
SMART TEACHER
At Penn State University were four sophomores taking chemistry. All of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning
Rather than take the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they had visited friends but, on return, they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...
For 95 points: Which tire? _________
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Jokes
Nov 13, 2008 8:36:37 GMT -5
Post by sld1164 on Nov 13, 2008 8:36:37 GMT -5
A man went to the Doctor complaining of fluid on the knee.
Doctor said, "you're not aiming straight"
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Jokes
Dec 2, 2008 3:42:58 GMT -5
Post by frenchzissou on Dec 2, 2008 3:42:58 GMT -5
A man went to the Doctor complaining of fluid on the knee. Doctor said, "you're not aiming straight" |
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Jokes
Dec 2, 2008 3:47:13 GMT -5
Post by meowencrazy on Dec 2, 2008 3:47:13 GMT -5
Man, that joke was real good, sl.
Tex, very interesting incident.
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Jokes
Dec 2, 2008 3:47:12 GMT -5
Post by frenchzissou on Dec 2, 2008 3:47:12 GMT -5
How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
One, but you must slice him really thin.
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Jokes
Dec 2, 2008 3:48:22 GMT -5
Post by meowencrazy on Dec 2, 2008 3:48:22 GMT -5
How many men does it take to wallpaper a room? One, but you must slice him really thin. |
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Jokes
Dec 2, 2008 7:52:45 GMT -5
Post by bluebutterfly on Dec 2, 2008 7:52:45 GMT -5
sld, I sent your joke about "fluid on the knee" to my manager (I work in a doctor's office) and she thought it was hilarious. And then she approved my request to take next Friday off. I'm not saying the two incidents are connected, but just in case, thank you!!! #hug# TG, I'm going to save your joke for my mother, she likes thinking humor. And here's a joke someone sent me . . . hopefully it won't offend anyone. "Never Choke in Redneck Country!" Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at and says, 'Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he aks, 'kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. the Hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, 'ya know, I'd heers of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'  |
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Jokes
Dec 2, 2008 9:20:54 GMT -5
Post by sld1164 on Dec 2, 2008 9:20:54 GMT -5
Good one SP! slice him really thin!!!
Hind Lick!!!
OK, this one is tame. My darling, Samantha, made this one up and we sent it to the Chicago Tribune and it was printed in the Sunday Comics 2 weeks ago with her name!!
What is a chocolate chip's favorite movie?
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
*The Trib changed the choco. chip to tollhouse cookie and it really didn't make sense to us.
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